i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
they need to just BURY HIM!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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