I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
