but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
