I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
