I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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