return my video game
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
