May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
