Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
