I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
