five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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