Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
