Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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