im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
