mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
God I need to hump something, right now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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