i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
