the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
