Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
