I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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