Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
