I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
