You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
