the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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