My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
