I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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