he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
