Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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