Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm going to jail i love you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
