please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
