Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
