I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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