last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
