your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
