I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
