Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize