So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize