I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
