watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
