my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you had me at cake vodka
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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