New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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