The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
