i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
