I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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