I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
