Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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