Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
