That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
