I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
