Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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