Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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