hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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