I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
