I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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