I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
