Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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