It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
