The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
