he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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