What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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