i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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