Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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