Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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