i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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