Your mouth is God's brothel.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
