i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
